Autobiography chapter - artists and art influences inside a narrative

Short narrative.

Maybe I'm the guy in the picture below.

Maybe the words in the frame are my thoughts.

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I know only one thing and that's the fact that I've turned 45 years old last year on 30th December.

I started to think on what to write on my autobiography and the questions below popped in my mind:

- That I love my kitten that was stolen from me?

- That I love my nieces and nephews?

- That I've an identity?

- That I love to write?

- That I love books?

- That I love arts?

- That I always loved a man that turned into a black star three years ago?

- That I truly believe in love and friendship?

- That I love nature?

I remember that in 1985 I was buying my first LP by British band Bauhaus that was released on 1981 by Beggars Banquet that contained an artwork by the band's guitar player Daniel Ash and some words that I've loved by a guy named Brilburn Logue, that was a pseudonym created by contemporary British writer Alan Moore.

"This is from when the radio is broken and cracles like uranium orchids.

This is for when you get caught in a sleep riot and the sky is out of order.

This is for when the fohn wind rattles the telegraph wires like a handful of bones.

This is for when your flesh creeps and never comes back."
This is for when the fohn-wind rattles the telegraph wires like a handful of bones.

This is for when dream ambulances skitter through the streets at midnight
This is for when you get caught in a sleep-riot and the sky is out of order
This is for when your sex is full of voodoo
This is for when your clothes are imaginary
This is for when your flesh creeps and never comes back."

Mask cover artwork

Mask inside cover words

I know that several years later, in 2000,within my mind dwelled animations directed by British artist Dave Mckean, whose artwork was already fond to me since his debut book "violent cases" along British writer Neil Gaiman published in 1987 by Escape publishing company, his work for Sandman saga comic book covers also written by Neil Gaiman for DC Comics/Vertigo label in 1989

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Violent cases first print cover 

Violent cases first print back cover 

Sandman book covers

While watching Dave Mckean's animations several years ago I was completely astonished by visuals created by him for one of the best sonnets ever written by British writer William Shakespeare.

Below is the Sonnet and the animation.

William Shakespeare "Sonnet 138" from 1609.

"When my love swears that she is made of truth,

I do believe her though I know she lies,

That she might think me some untutored youth,

Unlearned in the world's false subtleties.

Thus vainly thinking that she thinks me young,

Although she knows my days are past the best,

Simply I credit her false-speaking tongue:

On both sides thus is simple truth suppressed:

But wherefore says she not she is unjust? 

And wherefore say not I that I am old?

O! love's best habit is in seeming trust,

And age in love, loves not to have years told:

   Therefore I lie with her, and she with me,

   And in our faults by lies we flattered be."

I know that writing an autobiography is not as simple as it seems either with or without help by some of the best contemporary artists ever.

 I remember being a teenager in the 80's while listening all the time to British musician/actor/performer David Bowie while he was always in a constant metamorphosis with all his worldwide known alter egos.

While he was saying goodbye to his first one named Major Tom in his song "ashes to ashes". 

 I do remember watching him in 1990 live in Portuguese national TV inside his sound and vision tour while taping and recording his performance to watch and listen to several times when I arrived home from school.

Now Bowie or David Robert Jones is simply a Blackstar or maybe he's special agent Philip Jeffries that is watching us from another plan of existence in nature as can be seen in David Lynch's movie "Fire walk with me" from 1992 and Twin Peaks The Return TV series from 2017 where Lynch pays homage to him on it after his departure from this world on 12th January 2016.

I know that I'm only a simple man that organized two excellent book collections while working for two huge names in comic books artform such as Italian maestro Guido Crepax and Argentine maestro Alberto Breccia for an american publishing book company named Fantagraphics who stole my credits and work on them in thousands of USD and that they're being worldwide published, licensed and distributed in several languages.

In the last two years, I continued my work as a worldwide exhibitions curator in U.S.A, Spain, Finland, Portugal and France with help by more than 150 international artists in sucessful worldwide exhibitions with their artworks being exhibited to common people at coffeeshops, even when my life was in jeopardy because of a mad woman that I loved and that is now in my past.

Below are some pictures of me inside an autobiography and a video of David Bowie's performance in 1990 with his song "ashes to ashes" and written lyrics from his 1980 album "Scary monsters (and super creeps)".

"Do you remember a guy that's been

In such an early song

I heard a rumour from Ground Control

Oh no, don't say it's true

They got a message from the Action Man

I'm happy, hope you're happy too

I've loved all I've needed love

Sordid details following

The shreiking of nothing is killing

Just pictures of Jap girls in synthesis

And I ain't got no money and I ain't got no hair

But I'm hoping to kick, but the planet is glowing

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky

We know Major Tom's a junkie

Strung out in heaven's high

Hitting an all-time low

Time and again I tell myself

I'll stay clean tonight

But the little green wheels are following me

Oh no, not again

I'm stuck with a valuable friend

"I'm happy, hope you're happy too"

One flash of light, but no smoking pistol

I've never done good things

I've never done bad things

I've never done anything out of the blue

Want an axe to break the ice

Want to come down right now

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky

We know Major Tom's a junkie

Strung out in heaven's high

Hitting an all-time low

My mama said to get things done

You'd better not mess with Major Tom"

Somewhere in the 90's I was trying to read something real good in comics after Sandman by Neil Gaiman or several masterpieces such as "Watchmen", that first appeared in the 1985 issue of DC Spotlight, the 50th anniversary special

"Big Numbers" published by Tundra in 1990, "Swamp Thing", published by DC Comics from 1984 to 1987 in issues 20 to 64 "Captain Britain", first published in Marvel Superheroes #387, "From Hell" first published in SpiderBaby Grafix & Publications, with chapters 1 to 6 appearing in issues #2 to #7 between 1989 and 1992.

 "V for Vendetta" first published in Warrior magazine from 1982 to 1985 in issues 1 to 26,"Bojeffries saga", first published in Warrior magazine from 1982 to 1985 in issues 12,13,19 and 20 by the above mentioned British writer Alan Moore that is a mystery man while researching info and writing about it.

Watchmen issues 

Big Numbers issues and poster

Swamp Thing random issues 

Marvel Superheroes #387 

From Hell issues and taboo magazine

V for Vendetta random covers

Bojeffries saga

 I know that I've stumbled to a comic book named "The invisibles" in 1994 written by Scottish contemporary writer Grant Morrison that was inspired in his own personal life to write it and on Robert Anton Wilson (born Robert Edward Wilson; January 18, 1932 – January 11, 2007) that was an American author, novelist, essayist, editor, playwright, poet, futurist, and self-described agnostic mystic. 

Recognized by Discordianism as an Episkopos, Pope, and saint, Wilson helped publicize the group through his writings and interviews.

Wilson described his work as an "attempt to break down conditioned associations, to look at the world in a new way, with many models recognized as models or maps, and no one model elevated to the truth". 

His goal being "to try to get people into a state of generalized agnosticism, not agnosticism about God alone but agnosticism about everything."

Grant Morrison wasn't only a writer, writing about something, he was actually living what was going on in this series while bringing darkness to light with an invisible badge from 1994 to 2000 in 59 issues.

I've started to notice before, his genius in Grant's Doom Patrol comic book series run that was published from 1987 to 1994 in 44 issues where he also dwelled in the same themes as in The Invisibles while showing readers a super hero series and their troubles as a team of super weirdos.

  Grant also stated his strong beliefs in nature and animals consciouness in it while showcasing how he saw them and how they comunicated in Animal Man comic book series from 1988 to 1990 in 26 issues. Being himself a vegan, it was easy to conceive in his mind what a character like Animal Man was doing in this world. 

 He killed this character by telling him in the final issue of this series, with a physical appearance by him in the books, that he was writing about a fictional character, being itself without life, memories or identity.

 Sometimes people tell that Alan Moore is the best comic book writer ever or even Neil Gaiman because they dwell in mysteries, but in my humble opinion, the best one's Grant Morrison because he brings light to books while contemplating nature and the universe where we live in with a simple vision of life itself.

 Below is a quote by Grant Morrison and some pics of issues or first print trade paperbacks of the books mentioned above.

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The invisibles random covers - 01

The invisibles random covers - 02

The invisibles, Doom Patrol and Animal Man random covers

Doom Patrol random covers 

I began to wonder with the album "The next day" from 2013 by the Thin White Duke, A lad insane, Major Tom, Ziggy Stardust, Blackstar, David Bowie, what was going on in this insane world where some human beings are vile, corrupt, evil, mean in order to have more wealth or influence among mankind's society and its hypocrisy, never forgetting inside my mind that Bowie's had eyes with different colours because of being beaten when he was a youngster because of a girl and not because of some fashion statement, showing that a man's fall always is about women in mankind's history and how we as males are chosen or not by them.

Bowie showed in the video below, hypocrisy at its highest level, because I truly believe that Bowie believed in life, history, love, friendship, nature, happyness while being resilient.

I remember that when he died, several people were phoning me telling me the sad news of his departure and how I stated to my ex father in law (while he was fighting for his life), that life begins and suddenly ends and that we must have good memories with those that we shared a life with, while promising him that I would take care of his daughter with love if something happened to him (he passed away on February 2016) and my ex wife went berserk and tried to destroy my life on all levels (and continues to try this even today), by entering on society's dark side and trying to put everybody against myself because of her entrance on the dark side of life without me knowing it and while I was working in book collections and exhibitions all over the world with lots of well known contemporary international artists.

Sometimes this happens in a society that doesn't value true feelings for life or living beings and that only values a fleeting thing such as money in people's lives, be it in your own family or friends, because being a man with feelings is not a good thing in modern day machine's society where money is the key to happyness.

"Look into my eyes", he tells her
"I’m gonna say goodbye" he says, yeah
"Do not cry", she begs of him, "goodbye", yeah
All that day she thinks of his love, yeah

They whip him through the streets and alleys there
The gormless and the baying crowd right there
They can’t get enough of that doomsday song
They can’t get enough of it all

Listen!

"Listen to the whores", he tells her
He fashions paper sculptures of them
Then drags them to the river‘s bank in the cart
Their soggy paper bodies wash ashore in the dark
And the priest, stiff in hate, now demanding fun, begin
Of his women dressed as men for the pleasure of that priest

Here I am
Not quite dying
My body left to rot in a hollow tree
Its branches throwing shadows
On the gallows for me
And the next day
And the next
And another day

Ignoring the pain of their particular diseases
They chase him through the alleys, chase him down the steps
They haul him through the mud and they chant for his death
And drag him to the feet of the purple headed priest

First they give you everything that you want
Then they take back everything that you have
They live upon their feet and they die upon their knees
They can work with satan while they dress like the saints
They know god exists for the devil told them so
They scream my name aloud down into the well below

Here I am
Not quite dying
My body left to rot in a hollow tree
Its branches throwing shadows
On the gallows for me
And the next day
And the next
And another day

Here I am
Not quite dying
My body left to rot in a hollow tree
Its branches throwing shadows
On the gallows for me
And the next day
And the next
And another day

Here I am
Not quite dying
My body left to rot in a hollow tree
Its branches throwing shadows
On the gallows for me
And the next day
And the next
And another day

Listen!"

I love American director David Lynch and his movies and how he pays homage to those who've or are working with him.

David Lynch loves nature while actually trying to shows us how we as living human beings destroy ourselves either because of power, women or money.

In "fire walk with me" from 1992, character Philip Jeffries (that's played by David Bowie) appears and disappears in a corridor while pointing to Twin Peaks main character agent Dale Cooper and asking this: "who do you think that's there?".

I've watched all Twin Peaks series and in Twin Peaks The return, Lynch actually shows us how he pays tributes to living human beings that worked with him and that are no longer alive.

Philip Jeffries character was pivotal in this series, because he was lost on another dimension for 25 years watching how human nature was develloping itself.

Sometimes I ask myself this:

- Where's the mystery in a man's movies that mainly deals with nature, comunication, dreams and nightmares?

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When David Bowie turned himself into a blackstar in January 2016, was he lost in some corridor appearing and disappearing out of the blue like can be seen on the picture below or was he part of nature itself as cosmic dust?

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Multimedia interlude with David Bowie's song "the stars are out tonight" from the 2013 album "the next day" years before he becoming a blackstar.

Was he predicting his own departure as an androginy couple with British movie actress Tilda Swinton that ressembles himself when he was a youngester?

"Stars are never sleeping
Dead ones and the living

We live closer to the earth
Never to the heavens
The stars are never far away
Stars are out tonight

They watch us from behind their shades
Brigitte, Jack and Kate and Brad
From behind their tinted window stretch
Gleaming like blackened sunshine

Stars are never sleeping
Dead ones and the living

Waiting for the first move
Satyrs and their child wives
Waiting for the last move
Soaking up our primitive world

Stars are never sleeping
Dead ones and the living

Their jealousy's spilling down
The stars must stick together
We will never be rid of these stars
But I hope they live forever

And they know just what we do
That we toss and turn at night
They're waiting to make their moves
For the stars are out tonight

Here they are upon the stairs
Sexless and unaroused
They are the stars, they're dying for you
But I hope they live forever

They burn you with their radiant smiles
Trap you with their beautiful eyes
They're broke and shamed
Or drunk or scared
But I hope they live forever

Their jealousy's spilling down
The stars must stick together
We will never be rid of these stars
But I hope they live forever

And they know just what we do
That we toss and turn at night
They're waiting to make their moves on us
But the stars are out tonight

The stars are out tonight
The stars are out tonight"

I truly believe in tapes, I believe that everything that we do in this life must be registered with words and images. 

 I know that I'm not a character named Philip Jeffries lost in another dimension or even a Blackstar like David Bowie turned himself into.

I also know that evil lurks in grown ups living beings because of power and corruption that society gives to some men and women.

Being born in a city where pigs fly and chickens run without their heads frightens me a bit, but I'm also sure that it's the prettiest city in the world.

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Going back to 1999, I can listen to David Bowie singing about seven ways to live life and seven ways to die in it, just like a cat among nature.

"I forgot what my father said
I forgot what he said
I forgot what my mother said
As we lay upon your bed

A city full of flowers
A city full of rain

I got seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die

I forgot what my brother said
I forgot what he said
I don't regret anything at all
I remember how we wept

On a bridge of violent people
I was small enough to cry
I got seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die

Hold my face before you
Still my trembling heart
Seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die

The gods forgot they made me
So I forget them too
I listen to the shadows
I play among their graves

My heart was never broken
My patience never tried
I got seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die

Seven days to live my life
Or seven ways to die

Seven"

  I marvel at Twin Peaks The Return Tv series from 2017 where David Lynch, tells us in some red room about a tree branch while telling us that it's an arm and a strong one regarding nature.

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Another interlude by chameleon performer David Bowie with a performance from his 1990 sound and vision tour, with his song "stay" from his 1976 album "station to station"

"This week dragged past me so slowly
The days fell on their knees
Maybe I'll take something to help me
Hope someone takes after me
I guess there's always some change in the weather
This time I know we could get it together
If I did casually mention tonight
That would be crazy tonight

Stay, that's what I meant to say or do something
But I never say is stay this time
I really meant to so badly this time
'Cause you can never really tell when somebody
Wants something you want too

Heartwrecker, heartwrecker, make me delight
Life is so vague when it brings someone new
This time tomorrow I'll know what to do
I know it's happened to you

Stay, that's what I meant to say or do something

But what…"

 David Lynch states several times in his movies that "we live inside a dream", dreams are and always were necessary in order for life to flourish.

Maybe when in the 8th episode of Twin Peaks The Return, when a woodman was asking for a light to an old couple, he was only asking to be enlightened among living beings society while sharing nature in this blue planet.

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Maybe the dwarf that speaks a bit in Twin Peaks Red Room is only telling us that positive things will happen and that life will continue its course no matter what.

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I'm pretty sure that among children there aren't black lodges because their thoughts are pure, full of wisdom, dreams and magic.

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I know that in my nieces and nephews no evil lurks in their hearts because I always remind them that life is full of light.

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 Twenty five years later after watching the first two Twin Peaks seasons, I'm sure that life will continue to exist, that mysteries are easy to decypher, that I always believed in dreams, love and nature and I pay homage to people who always helped me on my life, just like David Lynch does.

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It's never easy to tell or write about a simple story in my autobiography, because life's always changing in a constant loop, because beauty of life itself is in nature.

I know that I'm working on several projects at the same time with international artists either in books or exhibitions all over the world with their magnificient art skills, being a book based on american writer H.P. Lovecraft short stories one of them as can be seen in the below picture with a page by Argentine Artist Pablo Burman.

Many thanks to all international artists that provided coffeeshops interviews that can be read in this same blogue in previous posts in it and that supported or are supporting several projects, that popped in my mind out of the blue and that were/are  organized/conceived by me with what I actually see in life and that are being worldwide spread either based on myself or on other people such as female/21st century women, that are Russian Musicians Svetlana Zombierella Nagaeva, bassist from Messer Chups Russian band or Mascara Girl, that's also a bassist from Russian band Leopard Bonapart.

Special thanks to all my nieces, nephews, cousins for their constant inspiration in some of my narratives.

To Finnish Artist Terhi Ekebom that always believed my ideas, no matter what, and that has a pure soul while being my friend and a ghoulish creature in the night and to Argentine artist Mr Ed who always was my left and right arm on some projects that I've organized/curated with help by some of the best contemporary artists ever.

Manuel