Saturday, March 11, 2017

A feeling called life, a feeling called love - An happy birthday -Identity exhibition


A life together 

I clearly remember being lost in 1991 
I clearly remember finding you in 1992 
I clearly remember the perfume that you wore and the clothes that you were wearing.
I clearly remember how we danced gazing into each other eyes and hearts like the end of the world was approaching.
I was shouting at a Depeche Mode concert in 1993 in Porto and you were in my heart.
I was yelling at a Einsturzende Neubauten concert in 1993 in Lisbon and you were in my soul.
I was living in a room in 1993 and I clearly remember how you shared your bread with me all days in a magical garden.
I was living for you and you were living for me.
It was you who gave me the strength when I couldn't understand how to work with a PC in 1992.
It was you who told me that I could be a leader of men when I was only a teenager.
It was you, who believed in me, who went to the University and paid for my sudies in order for me to have an excellent scholarship and you were always in my mind and soul.
I remember when we first danced and looked into one another while a song named "so alive" was sung by Love & Rockets - the band.
I remember when we had our first kitty together in 1995 named Jacky pure and white as snow because of a cartoon that we both loved.
I remember when my grandma died and you imediately told me to take care of the dog that I gave her for her company (and he was an amazing dog). 
I remember when we had our second kitty in 1997 named Nuala that we found starving and alone as a baby in Lisbon.
I remember when we had our third kitty named Maya named after the goddess of ilusion that was starving and almost dying near our house in 2000. 
I remember all your smiles.. All your heart and soul. All your jealousy. All my jealousy. 
I clearly remember when you wanted me to have a driver's license in 1996 and you gathered the money and you surprised me with it when my head was collapsing due to my grandmother's death.
I clearly remember that you were at my side when my grandpa died.
Our love was true, honest and sincere, we were everything one to the other, father, mother, lover, best friend, so who was I loving besides you? 
I remember in 2000 that my fragiled body collapsed and I stayed in bed for more than 6 months and you were there taking care of me.
I also remember being a bastard when I had my third nervous breakdown in 2002.
I remember when we had our Fourth kitty named Pimpolha in 2003.
I remember when I was loving the love that two dogs had one for the other and you smiled at me.
I remember when I was on the verge of losing my life in 2000 and at dawn and I was without any kind of strength, I couldn't even move, you jumped in front of a car in order for it to take us both to the hospital.
I remember your fragile body in the hospital in 2002 and 2003 and my head spinning and spinning without feeling any breath at all and my heart was collapsing because of your life.
I remember how I loved you and how you loved me when we're divorcing ourselves in 2004 (I was asking for the divorce because of your health and I was total in love with you while saying that the divorce was better because of your health and my heart was still burning and burning for you) 
and you were asking me for a baby child.
I remember how you fought everyone that stood against me while I did the same to you.
You were my dream come true, you told me lots of times that I was everything to you and you were everything to me in my life, always side by side, no matter what.
Since 2004, I do fight (I think that I'm a fighter like you're) while communicating with my heart and soul.
Lots of times I remember our love, since we had an excellent love story, I remember when I've met another woman and after we split in 2007, she stole our kitties.
 I shouted at the world, I yelled at the ocean, trying to find a sign from you.
 I remember listening to Mogwai's song "Mogwai fear Satan" then.
 I remember loving another woman when I was reciting a text about the city that we both lived in and how lots of times you told me to do this with my own written words.
  I saw an abandoned kitty in the street in 2010 that I've brought to our home. 
 Her name is Ilvie, can you imagine it? 
 We sang a lot the song of Wickie and Ilvie during the years that we were together from 1992 until 2004.
 So, she was part of me and part of my memories of you.
 So, somebody stole me once again not only the kitty that I've brought from the streets last year in June and that it's the being that I love most in the world, but also some memories of us and who we were.
 Some people tried to kill me, to steal me, to put me in jail because of lies that I've detected easily,.
 I wasn't understanding a thing, since I was only asking some pictures of my kitty Ilvie with me, my work, my documents and even important post due to health among other very important stuff, because of life as a couple with another person.
 I've fought with mind, heart and soul against several people like a tiger and with silence with a wound in my left foot that enabled me to walk, if people tell me that I'm weak, I do show them how strong I am with everything that you taught me since we met in 1992.
 I had to shout loud for the world to listen to this with the help of several excellent international artists that I've instantly comunicated with in several languages while thinking on you with your spirit guiding me.
 I continued shouting when somebody was telling lies about who I am (when you taught me a lot about life in bad times and you were my support for everything), so I did another exhibition with the help of more excellent international artists telling who I was, like you always told me to do while they were also gathering other people's memories in an awesome coffeeshop as observers with their own selfportraits, since I'm sure that they know more about life than myself.
 Today is your birthday princess and I don't know where or how you're, I don't know how our kitties that we brought from the streets together also are.
 I don't know how the kitty that I brought from the street named Ilvie is.
 But I do know one thing, that past, present and future always colide in my heart and soul lots of times with you on my thoughts.
 I know who you are to me.
 Probably you know who I am to you.
 But nothing else matters princess, since I'm pretty sure that you're smiling at the world and the world is smiling back at thee.
 I never forget our promise all years.
 A simple whisper, a simple flower, a simple smile, a single spirit.
 Today is your day and you were always my guiding star, like I was yours.
 Happy birthday wandering star and hope that life is filling your spirit, flesh, bones, heart and soul with the strength that I know that you've 

Just love and be loved in return and always "find the tiger within yourself"

Kisses from the bottom of my heart and I know that the strength that I've, it was you that gave me it.

Happy birthday sweet princess

Manuel Espírito Santo





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